Secret Love Police

IS THIS TRUE?

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts & Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections. I will not drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties & act like a clown & I know how to put the damn toilet seat down! I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt, my belt buckle is not hidden beneath my beer gut. I don’t go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch. I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind.

I'm a woman you see, I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back. When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack. What's on my head doesn’t leave with my comb. I’II never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I'm a woman, you know. I’m got far too much pride! I honestly think it’s a privilege for me to have these two boobs & squat when I pee. I don’t live to play golf & shoot basketball. I don’t swagger & spit like a Neanderthal. I wont tell you my wife just does not understand. Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh & weep then screw you, roll over & fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman you see you can forget all about that old penis envy. I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks, join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance & I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a woman & not a man like you!

I'M A MAN!
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers & when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I wont spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair & I don't go around checking my refection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public & make us leave early & when you ask why get all bitter & surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho & threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, & logical too. I know what the time is & I know what to do. I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls & stand when I pee. I live to watch sports & play all sorts of games. It's more fun than women after all. I wont cry if you figure out it's not going to work. I wont remain bitter & call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I wont assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.

I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance & I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man & not a woman like you!

SMELL MY FINGER

SWEET AND NICE